Craving out some time part I

It’s such a wonderful feeling to walk into an immaculate, aesthetically pleasing kitchen pantry. Once again, I feel there-ignition of the joys of cooking once again not as a chore. When the pantry was finished, I sat on a stool inside the pantry and closed my eyes for a few minutes. Out of all places in the house, there are many places to take a seat. Why the pantry? I was thinking back before when just opening the pantry. It was in a pretty embarrassing situation. Stuff would just come out, and I couldn’t locate specific items. There was a feeling of dread when I want to cook or find an ingredient. It seriously needed a decluttering. So being in this new clean, organised space felt so freeing.

It made me wonder, Could it be that how our minds feel like somethings cluttered with so much mess that it is yearning for some space.  (Just something to think about).

When speaking to family, friends, colleagues, we’ve all noticed that life got busier and stressful with the pandemic. No one knew the tremendous impact that it would have caused and has altered the way we work. I cant imagine the impact that has caused. While it was nice to work at home 80% of the time during the lockdown, my boundaries got blurred, and I neglected myself and was treading towards burnout. Outside, my appearance looked fine, a smile on my face with a calm demeanor. However, I was slowly eroding, as well as mental health. My body told me to rest, but I ignored all of the signals and always reacted to every small thing and kept pushing.

But one day in the afternoon, I felt a sharp, intense feeling that kept lingering, like my body was going to shut down, and that’s when I realised that I needed a break from work. I was battling with guilt because others had lost their jobs. I didn’t want to seem like I was complaining about my job, which I love. So I camouflaged it with being busy and burying the real concerns because I didn’t want to deal with it at the time. Funny how we can deceive ourselves by being busy thinking every activity adds value towards our life when inhibiting us. I am slowing becoming more aware that being busy does not equate to being productive. We could be engaged in avoiding facing situations, experiences due to fear, bombarding of our minds.

To the core, I was afraid of letting the people that I care about down and felt terrible if I dump my responsibilities on them as life is already hard for everyone. I think this stems from watching my parents worked so hard when moving to a new country and re-adjusting their whole lives, starting from nothing.
Nonetheless, if a car is empty, no matter how much you want to press the accelerator, the vehicle will not move until it receives fuel. That’s what my body was telling me all of this time. (So I went on leave and travelled to Daylesford.) I am learning how to communicate with others and myself that every now and then, I need some wind-down time to be the best version of myself. Self-care is not selfish but understanding that one needs to nourish their physical, mental, soul, overall health and wellbeing.

I encourage you to take some time out. It doesn’t have to be a few days. It could be a few hours or a few minutes where you crave some time out that gives a sense of rest and your body and mind will thank you for it.